I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
