I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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