You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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