I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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