You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
