well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
