Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
