I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
