Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
