Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
