we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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