my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
