ya dads aren't the best wingmen
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
