One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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