If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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