That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
