i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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