ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
