he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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