I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
