So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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