The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
