I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
