I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
