OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
