Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
