He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
