This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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