woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
