Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
