there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
