So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
