Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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