break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
