Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You may now shotgun with the bride
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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