took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
