did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
