Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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