genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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