Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
