if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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