Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
