some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
