It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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