if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
