i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
