Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
