How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mom said you looked used
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
