one word: firstdatebathroomanal
high people should be assigned attendants
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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