I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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